TWEENS17 Truth Scores
by A Rhea King
Summary: Gravity shows Trip a thing or two. Hurry up and wait exists in every corner of the universe. Learning never ends even for captains. The boys go skinny dipping, and get caught. Some customs are too embarrassing to talk about.
1. Monopoly

Chapter 17 : Truth Scores  
By A. Rhea King

_Monopoly (1)_

Archer was glad that the day was over. He didn't want to deal with any more angry aliens who decided he and his crew were the main problem of the galaxy. Archer turned into the mess hall and slowed to a stop. Across the mess hall seven crewmen, including Travis and Trip, were crowded around a table.

"Computer, time," Archer ordered.

"The time is oh-one-hundred and sixteen hours," the computer reported.

Archer slowly walked toward the group until he could see that they were playing the board game Monopoly.

"OHHHH! Not again!" one of the crewmen cried out.

"'Fraid so. Off to jail you go," Trip laughed.

Archer stopped near the table, but the group was so focused on the game that they didn't notice him. Archer knew from experience that the game could take them into tomorrow afternoon if they let it. He opened his mouth to remind them they had work, but then he stopped. He remembered that at least four of the seven had tomorrow off. Archer quietly backed away until he was sure they wouldn't hear him. He retrieved the glass of tea and sandwich he had come for and slipped out of the mess hall unnoticed.

"Monopoly" is a registered ™ of Parker Brothers


	2. What Goes Up

_What Goes Up (2)_

Trip stretched his arm out as far as it would go so the scanner could read the circuits on the opposite of the vertical Jeffery tube. The scanner beeped and Trip pulled himself back to the ladder, waiting for the scanner to process the data. Trip looked up the tube, his mind drifting over a conversation he had with T'Pol that morning. Trip smiled, remembering her face. He loved her face. Hell, he loved everything about her.

"Trip!"

Trip jumped, losing his grip on the ladder. On the way down the six feet he'd climbed up he hit his chin on a ladder rung, biting his bottom lip, followed by hitting his head on a ledge. He rammed his elbow against the side of the Jeffery tube and something protruding cutting through his uniform and into flesh of his forearm. He hit the floor hard, knocking the wind out of him and making his whole body throb with sudden pain. Trip closed his eyes, trying to get a full breath and unable to.

"I am so sorry!" Eartik cried, kneeling down beside him.

"It's okay," Trip grunted. He closed his eyes.

"I'll go get a doctor." Eartik leapt up to leave.

"No," Trip gasped. "No."

"But—"

"Just got the wind," Trip coughed, "knocked out of me. Hold on."

Eartik came back, crouching beside him. "You're head's bleeding."

"So is my arm and lip."

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay. Shh. Give me a couple minutes."

Eartik stayed quiet as ordered. Trip lay for several minutes, trying to get his breath back and stop the world from spinning. His breath came back, but the world was still spinning.

"Help me up, Eartik."

Eartik got up and helped Trip to his feet.

"The scanner," Trip turned.

"It's broken." Eartik picked it up, holding it up for Trip to see.

Trip took the broken scanner from Eartik, staring at it. It was spinning like everything else. Trip bent down to go through the access door and had to catch himself on the door to keep from tipping over. Trip slowly left the access tunnel and stood up straight in the hall. He felt Eartik take his hand and let the child lead him to Sickbay.

"Commander," Trip heard Doctor Phlox said.

"Doc—" Trip passed out.

#

Archer glanced at Eartik as he passed him. He stopped, looking down at him. Eartik was staring at his hands.

"Eartik?"

The boy slowly looked up at him.

"Why are you sitting by Sickbay?"

"I made Trip fall and get hurt."

"How?"

"I scared 'im."

"On purpose?"

"No. I was bringing him all these tools he asked for and he was scanning a shunt. When I said his name he fell."

Archer smiled, crouching down. "That was an accident. If you'd come up behind him and yelled 'boo', then you should feel bad."

"But I made 'im fall."

"He's been through worse."

"He fell when we got to Sickbay. And from the access tunnel to here, he couldn't walk straight and he was leaning really hard on me. He's hurt and it's my fault."

"I bet he's fine. I'll go in and check, okay?" Archer stood up.

Eartik nodded.

Archer walked into Sickbay, spotting Trip laying on a biobed. Trip had a dark green and purple bruise from his temple to cheek and a swollen bottom lip. His arm was bandaged and he was holding a cold pack to his elbow.

"Hey," Trip said.

"You know, you can't fly Trip. You have to quit trying."

"My head hurts," Trip complained.

"Eartik's outside. He's feeling really bad and thinks he made you fall."

"Poor kid. Wasn't his fault. I was off somewhere else and he startled me."

"Are ya gonna die? Do I need to start looking for another senior engineer?"

Trip smiled.

"Not any time soon, Captain," Doctor Phlox said, walking up to Trip. He pressed a hypospray to Trip's neck. "That should help with the headache, but I'm afraid the aching body will have to subside on its own. Let me know if you have any dizzy spells. The concussion is pretty mild, but it did give you a jar".

"I'll live?"

"For today."

"Can I go?"

"Yes. But you really should lie down for the rest of today."

Trip looked at Archer for permission.

"Maybe you could take Eartik and break out a game or something. He's feeling pretty bad about making you fall," Archer suggested.

Trip smiled. "Doc?"

"Just don't do anything extraneous."

Trip got up and pulled the top of his uniform back on. He glanced at Archer. "I'm going to tell the crew you hit me." Trip pointed to his lip. "Make them more afraid of you."

Archer laughed, watching Trip leave. Trip stopped outside the door, looking down at Eartik. Eartik slowly looked up at him.

"Ya up to a game of Go Fish?" Trip asked him.

"You're not mad at me?"

"Nope. Wasn't your fault, kid-lit." Trip held his hand out to Eartik.

Eartik stood and slid his hand into Trip's. "I'll hold your hand to make sure you don't fall down again."

Trip smiled at him. "Good idea."

The two headed for the lift.


	3. Hurry Up and Wait

_Hurry Up and Wait (3)_

Trip heaved a sigh, staring at the floor under his foot. He tapped the toe of his shoe a couple of times, looking to his left. T'Pol was standing next to him with her hands pulled behind her back looking stern as usual. Beside her Archer was slumped in his chair with his arms folded across his chest and his eyes closed. Trip looked up, watching aliens pass back and forth in front of him; some were hurrying, some were strolling. He let out another sigh and then grimaced. Trip readjusted his buttocks on the case he was sitting on, aware that the latches were probably leaving dent marks through his uniform, union suit and underwear. Trip let out a loud, heavier sigh.

"How does sighing every ten seconds help expedite our way through customs?" T'Pol asked.

Trip looked up at her. She was watching him, expecting an answer.

"It doesn't."

T'Pol's eyebrows rose. "Does it release tension?"

"No, it makes it worse." Archer said. He didn't open his eyes or move from his slumped position. "Stop it, Trip. It's really getting annoying."

Trip frowned, looking down at the floor. "Can't you just hand me my book, Cap'n?"

"Trip, it's not here. I already looked. Just sit there and stop sighing. Please."

"Yes, sir."

"Everything checks out," an alien woman said as she walked up. She handed a PADD to T'Pol adding with a pleasant smile, "Welcome to Tarkilm. Have a good stay."

The woman turned and walked off.

"Six hours later…_sure_!" Trip said to himself.

Trip stood and picked up the case he had been sitting on. He turned; finding Archer still slumped in his chair.

"Sir?"

"Shh…the daydream's starting to get good here."

Trip laughed. "Shoulda thought of that past time. Can we please move, sir? My a— legs are stiff."

Archer smiled up at Trip. "My a— legs are too." He stood and picked up his bag.

With Archer leading, the three walked in the direction of the exit.


	4. Learning Anew

_Learning Anew (4)_

Stepping out of the shuttle pod the crew was greeted with sunlight and fresh air. Hoshi smiled, looking up at the white puffy clouds gliding slowly overhead.

"Hoshi."

Hoshi looked around at Malcolm. He turned around and Hoshi was greeted with a squeal of glee from Kasbra in the backpack on Malcolm's back.

"Hi kiddo," Hoshi said, tapping her nose.

Kasbra laughed, waving her hands in an attempt to catch Hoshi's hand.

"Can you fix her? I think her leg's caught."

Hoshi looked down and gently pulled Kasbra's leg through the hole and resituated her in the backpack. Kasbra giggled when Hoshi's hands brushed her neck and tried again to grab Hoshi's hand. Hoshi smiled.

"Better, Kasbra?" Hoshi asked the child.

Kasbra laughed, waving her fists at Hoshi. Hoshi tapped Kasbra's nose again, getting a gleeful squeal in response.

"Malcolm, stay with Elizabeth," Archer said as he walked out of the shuttle pod.

"Yes, sir," Malcolm replied, crouching down to collect two cases sitting on the ground.

Archer pointed down through the trees, saying, "There was a good spot to make camp down—"

Kasbra's sudden outburst of screaming and bawling cut Archer off.

"What?" Malcolm asked, looking at her over his shoulder.

"I don't think Kasbra likes that camping spot, Captain," Elizabeth joked.

"Guess not," Archer replied.

"Nonsense. She's gets fussy when her nap gets interrupted." Malcolm carefully pulled the pack off and picked his daughter up, cuddling her to his chest. "You're fine, poppet. Hush now."

Kasbra clung to him as her wails increased in length and volume. Malcolm walked a few steps, talking calmly to her. He turned, unable to force back his embarrassed smile. Archer was crouched by a case, staring at him and didn't look very amused.

"I'm a sucker for self abuse, sir," Malcolm told Archer.

"Apparently. We're going to go set up. Join us when she's calmed down." Archer stood and picked up the case.

"Enjoy!" Elizabeth said, walking past Malcolm with Hoshi.

Malcolm watched them disappear into the trees before turning and going back inside the shuttle pod. He sat down in a chair, trying to soothe the child. But Kasbra wasn't about to be soothed and her crying was making her hot and red in the face.

"Let's check the diaper, eh?" Malcolm asked her.

He got up and walked over to a bench, pulling the diaper bag sitting at the back to him. Malcolm started to lay Kasbra down and she grabbed his uniform in vice-like grips. She let out a high-pitched cat scream that ended in a hiss. Her tiny claws extended, piecing Malcolm's uniform and puncturing the skin beneath

"Kasbra, that is enough. Now stop!" Malcolm said in a firm, quiet voice.

Kasbra stopped hissing and clawing, but continued crying. Malcolm laid her down on the bench and she began squirming and kicking, trying desperately to grab a hold of Malcolm when his hands were within reach of hers. Malcolm pulled the diaper off and put on a new one. He gently picked her up, holding her to him.

"Kasbra," Malcolm gently stroked her face, "What is it, poppet? What's wrong? I've never seen you this worked up before, sweetheart."

Kasbra let out a cat yowl followed by a hiss. It renewed her screaming and crying.

"Kasb—"

Malcolm looked up when something hit the metal near his head, expecting it to be something one of the crewmen had thrown. He stared for a breath at the arrow embedded into the sparking console in front of him. Malcolm pulled his daughter to his chest and lunged to the back of the shuttle pod. A shadow fell across him and he spun, expecting to see an alien there. Instead it was Archer taking cover just inside the shuttle pod and firing out the hatch. Hoshi and Elizabeth ran in, throwing cases as soon as they entered. Archer reached out and pulled the hatch closed.

"Hoshi, take Kasbra. Malcolm, nav now!" Archer ordered.

Malcolm let Kasbra go when Hoshi pulled her away and ran to the navigation controls.

"Exit course. NOW!" Archer yelled at Malcolm.

"Aye, sir." Malcolm hastily entered an exit course and the shuttle pod lifted off the ground.

Malcolm looked up at Archer and then back at the two women.

"What happened? Who was firing arrows? I thought scans didn't show any life down here."

"This uninhabited planet isn't so uninhabited, sir," Hoshi answered, "and they didn't want company."

Malcolm looked at Archer. "But the scans didn't show any life forms."

"Any _humanoid_ life forms," Archer corrected.

"They weren't humanoid?"

"They had eight legs, six arms, five stalks with eyes and mouths," Elizabeth answered, "I'd say that classifies as non-humanoid, sir. Not to mention they were really, really pissed."

Malcolm turned, looking back at Kasbra. "Give her here, Hoshi."

Hoshi got up and handed Kasbra back to Malcolm. Malcolm cuddled her to him, talking quietly to her. She was beginning to calm down, but was a long way from being the happy baby she'd been when they'd landed.

#

"Vardee."

Sista turned away from the monitor she was working at, smiling at Archer. "Hello, Jon."

Archer smiled, leaning on the console. "How are things going? Starfleet wants the report on that last planet. Aliens, arrows and all."

"It almost done."

"Good."

Sista leaned forward, smiling, "But you not come talk about report, yeah?"

"Yes." Archer smiled, sitting down on a stool next to her. "I don't know everything about Jit so I'm wondering something about Kasbra."

"You ask about how she was on planet before attack?"

"Did she know do you think? That they were there?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes." Sista nodded her head, smiling, "She knew. But baby not talk. Not able to say bad alien attack. She do only thing she know. She cry and get very, very upset. Kasbra not usually hiss and growl like cat. Malcolm say she did. What alien felt upset her much."

"How is she today?"

"She good. Happy and content." Sista reached out and made an adjustment to the readings on the monitor. "Daddy's poppet again."

Archer chuckled at Sista's joke. "Does she get upset on Enterprise much?"

Sista nodded. "Sometime."

"When?"

"When crew tense." Sista stressed the word 'tense' by making fists and tensing her face. "Tense like that. Scared. During attacks. She cry sometime when aliens on board if she get near them. Ones that all Jit sense not good. They make her upset."

"And Jon Nathan?"

"No."

"He doesn't?"

"He not feel emotions like Kasbra. He feel like human. I feel it in him."

Archer looked down. "I guess I have a lot to learn."

Sista smiled, leaning toward him. "Jonathan, after all time in space you not learn one rule always?"

"What's that?" Archer smiled.

"Always learn. Never stop. Every asteroid new. Every planet new. Every experience new. Yes?"

Archer nodded. "Yes."

"Archer to the bridge," Hoshi called over the ship COM.

"And here I thought I'd get a whole break today!" Archer jokingly complained.

"You K'pan. Never get break. Always on duty."

"That I _have_ learned, Vardee," Archer laughed, patting her shoulder. "Have a good day."

Sista watched him walk away before turning back to her work.


	5. Are Those Hanes?

_Are Those Hanes™? (5)_

Archer smiled when he took the box from Ensign Cutler. He turned and stacked it among the other crates and boxes in the shuttle pod.

"Thank you, Captain," Elizabeth said.

"You're welcome." Archer stepped off the shuttle pod. He turned, spotting T'Pol and Hoshi approaching with more boxes. Trip was carrying two crates up the hill behind them.

"Here. Let me help," Archer said to Hoshi, taking the boxes from her and carrying them on board.

"Thank you, Captain," Hoshi said, looking peculiarly at him.

"Glad to be of service," Archer said with a smile.

"This should be the last of them," Ensign Novakovich said as he came up the hill to the shuttle pod carrying two cases.

Archer and Trip joined Ensign Westgard, Lieutenant Reed, Ensign Mayweather and Doctor Phlox standing next to the second shuttle pod. Ensign Novakovich walked out and joined the men. T'Pol stepped out of the shuttle pod and turned to speak to Archer. She hesitated, staring the six smiling men. This only added to her suspicion that the men were hiding something.

"Are you certain you desire to remain on the surface for three days? I have no means of communicating with you in this region of the moon, Captain. The mineral deposits of sirium alimna ore are scrambling all communications."

Elizabeth and Hoshi stepped out of the shuttle pod, watching the men with open suspicion.

"We have another shuttle pod," Archer reached back, patting the shuttle pod behind him. "We really should explore this moon better," Archer replied, "Don't want to miss a thing when I send that report back to Starfleet, it being a Menshara class moon and all."

"Menshara class moons are no different than their counterpart planets, Captain," T'Pol stated, "and you have seen exactly nineteen since leaving Earth."

"We _really_ need to explore…I mean, that's what we were sent out here for, right Cap'n?" Trip looked at Archer.

"Yes. That is our primary goal." Archer's smile widened.

T'Pol knew the men had some alternative motive they weren't telling her. The six began exhibiting strange behavior one by one since she had given Archer her report with the pH and mineral readings from the lake nearby.

"Another fishing trip, sir?" T'Pol asked.

"Yes," Archer agreed too quickly, "We're all going fishing. Right guys? Put us down for shore leave when you get back, all right?"

The five other men muttered their agreement at the same time, nodding and grinning stupidly. Now T'Pol was certain there was something they were not telling her.

"You should probably get those samples back to the ship," Ensign Novakovich said, "before they get too warm."

"Yeah. I just don't get what happened to that refrigeration unit. That was strange," Trip commented.

"Really strange. Never seen a unit just go out like that," Malcolm said.

T'Pol's eyes narrowed slightly. "Yes. We do need to get the core samples back while they are cool," T'Pol said, coolness starting to seep into her words.

"Better get going then, T'Pol!" Archer urged.

As if on cue, the five men waved, bidding the three women good-bye. T'Pol turned and boarded the shuttle pod. Elizabeth and Hoshi stood for a moment, staring at the men.

"We must depart," T'Pol said from inside the shuttle pod.

Hoshi and Elizabeth got back on board and the hatch closed. As a group the men moved a safe distance and watched the shuttle pod launch.

"Holy cow! Trying to convince a Vulcan to leave with a lie is like coxing a turtle to come out its shell!" Trip said, losing his faked grin.

"I think we were acting a little too suspicious," Travis said.

"Ya THINK!?" Ensign Westgard shot back at Travis.

"And can one of you please tell me why I was ordered to insist we needed to stay to run further tests?" Doctor Phlox asked, "And then you told her we were fishing, Captain Archer?"

The five men looked back at him, grinning.

Ensign Westgard put his arm around Doctor Phlox's shoulders; either forgetting or ignoring the fact Denobulans didn't like to be touched. "You, Doctor, are about to witness a side of humans you may never get to witness ever again. My suggestion to you, Doctor, is to take very, _very_ good notes."

"Men," Archer paused until they looked at him, "Let's see if T'Pol's readings of that lake are still accurate." Archer grinned.

The five headed down the hill toward the lake at a run. Doctor Phlox stood for a minute, confused. With a slight shake of his head he followed, deciding the only way he'd get an answer was to follow them into whatever mischief they were determined to get into.

#

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth said for the fifty-third time to T'Pol.

T'Pol didn't acknowledge the apology.

"It was my responsibility. I'm sorry too," Hoshi said, sitting in a seat behind T'Pol.

"It is of little consequence," T'Pol told the two women, "We must retrieve the mineral samples for study and get the reports back to Starfleet."

"Maybe we'll get to see what mischief the men are up to," Elizabeth grinned, looking at Hoshi.

Hoshi smiled in response. "Yeah. Going fishing without anything to fish with. That's one I have to see." Hoshi chuckled.

T'Pol launched the shuttle pod and entered the landing coordinates on the moon.

"Are the both admitting you have an ulterior motive for returning to the surface?" T'Pol said.

"Of course not!" Elizabeth said, looking at her. Then she smiled. "I really did leave the samples behind, but this gives us a perfect excuse to find out what they're up to."

T'Pol didn't object. She too was curious about what had made the men start acting so suspiciously. T'Pol located the hilltop she'd landed on before and set the shuttle down. She walked to the back and handed the women flashlights. The three exited the shuttle pod into the warm night of the moon with T'Pol leading in the direction of the campsite. The women came out of the forest into an empty campsite with a campfire still burning. Judging from the nearly spent log the men hadn't been back to the camp for several hours.

To their left the women heard a human hoot and looked in the direction. The sound echoed in the silence of the virgin forest that surrounded them and startled a few birds. T'Pol started walking in the direction of the sound and Elizabeth and Hoshi fell in behind her. Above their heads the planet the moon orbited was a giant orange ball that cast long, deep shadows around them. Ahead they could see the dim light sparkling on the ripples of a lake ahead. As the women drew closer to the lake they could hear laughing and the voices of the six men. Hoshi reached out and stopped T'Pol.

"Turn off your light, Commander," Hoshi said in a hushed voice.

T'Pol turned, looking at her. "Why?" T'Pol asked in her normal voice.

"Shhhhh!" Hoshi and Elizabeth both whispered. The two began giggling.

"I think I just figured out what the men are up to. Turn off your light so they don't see us coming," Hoshi said.

T'Pol obeyed, discovering Hoshi and Elizabeth already had.

"And what do you suspect they are 'up to'?" T'Pol asked Hoshi.

"Keep your voice down! Follow me," Hoshi whispered and began walking slowly toward the lake.

The women came to the edge of the forest near the lake and stopped. They could see the six men several meters from the shore. Ensign Westgard was telling a tasteless joke, occasionally getting splashed by one of the others. He finished and a dunking match broke out.

"They didn't!" Elizabeth gasped, covering her mouth to keep her laughter quiet. "Oh my God! They did!" Elizabeth whispered in a high-pitched voice. "THEY DID!"

"They did what?" T'Pol asked.

"They're skinny dipping!" Hoshi laughed. "Oh my God!"

"What is 'skinny dipping'?" T'Pol asked.

"When you go swimming without any clothes on."

"Don't you normally go swimming without clothes?"

"No." Elizabeth leaned in front of Hoshi, looking T'Pol in the eye. "She means _NO_ clothes. No bathing suit. Nothing! Nothing except the birthday suit you were born in."

"Human children are born in suits?" T'Pol asked.

The two women burst out giggling.

"You're about to see a birthday suit, T'Pol," Hoshi whispered, pointing. One of the men was walking toward the water.

"Beer?" the three heard Archer's voice ask as he came closer to the shore.

"I'll take one," Trip's voice replied.

"Me too, sir," Travis and Malcolm replied.

"Oh my God!" Hoshi said as soon as Archer's waist cleared the water. She spun, covering her eyes with a hand before sliding it down over her mouth.

Elizabeth grabbed Hoshi's arm and pressed her face against it to muffle her laughter.

"I can't believe I just saw my captain naked!" Hoshi whimpered between muted giggles.

T'Pol looked from Archer to the two women, confused by what they found so funny with the situation. She was, on the other hand, slightly perturbed that Archer hadn't simply told her he wanted leave to go swimming.

"Captain," T'Pol said in her regular voice as she stepped from the forest onto the beach.

"T'POL, NO!" Hoshi whispered, trying to grab T'Pol's arm before she stepped out of the forest. "NO, T'POL!"

Archer made a beeline for the cover of the water.

"T'POL!" Archer said.

"T'Pol?" the five behind him asked.

For a few seconds the other five men were confused until T'Pol switched her flashlight back on.

"T'POL!" Travis and Trip yelled when she shone the light on them. The two sank down in the water.

"We came back to retrieve mineral samples left behind," T'Pol explained. She frowned when she saw the men were moving further out into the water. T'Pol turned and walked to a rock breaker that ran out into the water. She walked across it, standing at the end.

"T'Pol, stop shining the light on us," Archer ordered.

T'Pol sighed. "Why did you not simply tell me you wished to take leave to swim instead of providing me with a false reason?"

"And she's not alone, Cap'n," Trip said through gritted teeth.

Archer looked at the shore. He could see two more people and flashlights on the shore.

"Who's with you?" Archer asked.

"Ensign Sato and Cutler," T'Pol replied, "I request an explanation, Captain."

"Look, uhm, go get the samples and go back to Enterprise. We'll talk about this when we get back."

"If we get back," Travis laughed, "We may run away from shear embarrassment."

The men burst into laughter. T'Pol suddenly realized the humans had had a beer or two too many and were inebriated. Even Doctor Phlox appeared a little too happy.

"It is not safe to swim while intoxicated, Captain," T'Pol pointed out.

Archer turned, whispering something to the five. He turned, slowly starting toward T'Pol.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I should have told you," Archer said, "Actually, I'm probably going to be really sorry as soon as I'm sober."

T'Pol watched him come to the edge of the rocks, the top of his hips just clearing the water when he stopped. Trip and Travis followed him to the edge of the rocks, the three standing side by side with their arms crossed across their chest. T'Pol sensed that there was a conspiracy in the making and decided allowing Archer sober up before continuing this conversation would be wise.

"We will continue this conversation in a couple days, sir," T'Pol turned to leave.

The three men scrambled onto the breaker as soon as T'Pol's back was turned and pulled her into the water as the jumped back in. There was a brief moment of confusion as she pulled away from them and surfaced. T'Pol turned, watching the three moving away from her laughing. T'Pol stood silent for a long moment, struggling not to let her frustration and anger get the better of her.

"How's the water?" Hoshi asked, her laughter carrying her voice a little louder than normal.

"Oh great!" Travis laughed, "Might as well join us. T'Pol did."

Archer turned, watching the two women run into the water and swim toward them.

"I am going to be court-martialed," Archer laughed.

Ensign Novakovich said. "Sir, I'm afraid for that to happen Starfleet would have to know about this. Who's going to tell? Besides, you granted all of us shore leave."

"And when on shore leave a Starfleet officer," Trip began. The other four humans chimed in with him to finish a statement they'd all learned in basic training, "is responsible and liable for his or her own actions. Starfleet will not interfere with local government laws and regulations and officers breaking these laws and regulations will only be permitted legal counsel and discharged dishonorably for major offenses." Trip broke of adding, "So getting naked and swimming on a Menshara class moon can't get you court-martialed since we're all on shore leave, Cap'n!"

The men started laughing hysterically.

"_I_ am _not_ on shore leave," T'Pol said, her anger slipping into her voice.

"Ooooo. I think we just mustered some emotion out of T'Pol!" Ensign Westgard laughed.

T'Pol let out a slow sigh and started toward the shore.

"Oh come on, T'Pol. You need a little r and r too!" Trip called.

T'Pol stopped and turned, staring at the eight faces watching her. In a calm voice she said, "Enjoy your shore leave crewmen, Doctor, Captain. I will make the necessary arrangements when I return to Enterprise. Have a good evening."

"Oh come on T'Pol," Trip called.

"T'Pooooooool!" Travis laughed. "Come on, T'Pol. We're drunk. We won't remember if you act like us."

"Come on T'Pol," Ensign Westgard and Novakovich called together.

T'Pol kept swimming.

"At the same time, yell come back T'Pol," Archer said quietly.

As one the eight yelled, "COME BACK, T'POL!"

T'Pol waded out of the water and disappeared into the forest. The eight were silent for a moment.

"Trip?" Archer asked.

"Yeah?"

"We piss off your girlfriend?"

"Yep."

"Hm."

"What's next?" Elizabeth asked.

Trip and Archer looked at each other, grinned and dunked Elizabeth. The eight started laughing, joking, hooting and telling tasteless jokes.

Hanes is a ® of the Sara Lee Corporation


	6. Little Bitty Pretty One

_Little Bitty Pretty One (6)_

Navta trotted through the halls, exchanging smiles and trying not to drop the covered plate or drink she was carrying. She stopped outside Archer's door and looked up at the security box next to the door, and then down at the items in her hand.

"Need a hand?"

Navta looked up and smiled at Lieutenant Anderson. "Yes, please. Can you ring the doorbell, please?"

"Sure," Lieutenant Anderson replied with a smile. He reached out and rung the doorbell for her and then continued toward his destination.

"Thank you," Navta called. She looked around when the door opened and stepped in.

Archer looked up from the letter he was reading, watching Navta walk up to his desk and set a plate and glass of tea on his desk.

"Why weren't you at supper?" Navta asked.

"Something came up," Archer said.

"Oh." Navta grinned. "Well, I brought you supper so you wouldn't have to eat it cold."

"Thank you."

"You want me to go, huh?"

"I need to get work done, half-pint."

"Okay. Well, good-night."

"Hey! Aren't you forgetting something?" Archer said.

Navta turned, looking at him. "What?"

Archer smiled. "Something."

"Oh!" Navta leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, K'pan."

"Good-night, Navta."

Navta walked to the door. She turned.

"Are you going to be busy all night?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay." Navta turned, reaching up to open the door.

Archer turned, smiling. "But I suppose I could stop for a little bit. The screen is starting to blur."

Navta looked at him. "Are you sure?"

Archer nodded. Navta walked back over to him. She put her hand on the desk, running it along the edge.

"I found a nebula today. It wasn't on the charts." Navta looked at Archer.

Archer turned his chair and let her move close to him, putting his arms around her waist.

"How far away? Maybe we can go take a look at it."

"Really, really far. Uhm, seventy-two point eight light years." Navta slid her arm behind Archer's neck, leaning against him. "There were three gas giants in it. Class two, five and nine, really big ones, and one had rings pole to pole. And there was a red giant just past the nebula too."

"Sounds interesting."

Navta nodded. "T'Pol was interested in it. She sent a probe to study it."

"What else?"

"That's all. There wasn't a whole lot happening today."

"Any good gossip?"

Navta shook her head, smiling. "Nothing new yet."

Archer nodded. "Eartik took Porthos for a walk. He said he was going to the recreation room. Why don't you go down there and play with them?"

"Okay. I'll bring Porthos back, okay?"

"Okay."

Navta gave Archer a hug before trotting away. Archer smiled, looking over his shoulder at the letter from one of his aunts. He turned and continued reading it.

#

Navta and Porthos ran up to the door. Porthos pawed at it and the door opened before Navta touched the doorbell. Porthos bolted inside and ran to his water bowl, lapping up water. Navta walked in, smiling at Archer. He was lying on his bed with a book resting on his chest.

"I think he's dying of thirst, Navta," Archer joked.

"We should take a bowl with us so he can have water down there," Navta said.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea." Archer sat up on the edge of the bed, setting his book down.

"Hey looky." Navta pointed to her lips. "Liz let me put on her lipstick. What'd'ya think?"

"I think it makes you look pretty. Go fill up Port's water bowl."

Navta turned, picked up the bowl and ran into the bathroom to fill it up with water.

"Eartik hogged the swing so Trip taught me how to play basketball. Me and Sisyl. I was surprised to see Sisyl down there. He hardly ever is around anyone except the reclamation team."

"How is he?" Archer asked Navta.

Navta came back out and sat the bowl down. "He liked my lipstick too. He's fine. He said he likes working in reclamation and that they do things different down there than they do anywhere else on the ship. What do you think that means?"

"I dunno."

"He's so funny." Navta sat on the bed beside Archer. "He doesn't ever talk. That's funny."

"Some people are just like that."

"Do you think he likes working in reclamation?"

"I don't know." Archer smiled.

"Well, I'd better go to bed."

"Have you ever danced?" Archer asked Navta.

"Once. With Likos on the Diedra. We were working on a conduit and he was being silly. He asked me to dance because he had to dance right then and there."

Archer laughed with Navta. "Well, I feel like dancing right here and now. Wanna dance?"

"Okay."

Archer got up and walked to his monitor. He tapped it and the song started. He turned and held his hand out to Navta. She giggled and trotted over to him. Archer grabbed her hands and started dancing her around the room. Porthos joined them, running in circles around them and barking. Navta laughed, letting Archer pull her around the room. They danced toward the bed and Archer grabbed her, falling onto the bed when the song ended. The two rolled onto their backs laughing.

"That's a funny song, K'pan."

"It's called 'Little Bitty Pretty One'," Archer told her, "Thank you for bringing me supper and dancing with me, Navta."

"You're welcome." Navta leaned up on her elbow and kissed his cheek. "I better get back before Ensign Paris comes looking for me."

Archer grabbed her and hugged her to him. Navta laid her head on his chest, hugging him tight back.

"I love you, Navta." Archer muttered into her hair, "Never forget that, okay?

Navta smiled. "I'll never forget that 'cause I love you too, K'pan."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Honest?"

"Honest."

"Are you pulling my leg?"

Navta laughed, looking up at his face. "NO!"

Archer smiled, giving her another hug. "Better not. Better go before Ensign Paris puts you on her ten most wanted list."

"Her what?"

"I'll explain sometime. Ask me about it."

"Okay. Bye!" Navta kissed his cheek again and then jumped up.

Archer sat up, watching her run to the door and open it. She waved good-bye and disappeared into the hall. Archer fell back onto the bed.

"Come here, Port."

Porthos hopped up onto the bed and walked over, sitting down beside him.

"I suppose you wanna know what brought that on, huh?" Archer asked his dog, looking up at the Beagle

Porthos cocked his head to the side.

"Well, I got a letter from your Aunt Angela and do you want to know what she said?" Archer asked him.

Porthos barked.

"She said that as often as I talk about Navta I ought to just adopt her and make her my daughter because my heart already has. And your Aunt Pamela and her conspired against me. She agreed," Archer smiled, "and then she told me about how my grandpa would dance her and my mother around the living room to that song. So now ya know. Course, they are right you know? But let's keep that between us, okay, Port?"

Port wagged his tail and barked.

"Good." Archer looked up at the ceiling.

Porthos curled up next to him and Archer idly petted him as he thought about the letter.


	7. Not Another One!

_Not Another One! (7)_

Trip trailed behind T'Pol, Archer and their alien host. Trip had to trot to keep up each time something in the market place they were walking through caught his attention.

"We will depart to the city now," the man said, motioning the three into a building.

The three stepped in and found the building had a transporter PADD in the center of it larger than any they had ever seen. Two aliens stood at controls on opposite sides of the room.

"What are we doing here?" Archer asked, watching the man step onto the transporter PADD.

"Going to the capital."

"Using a transporter?" Archer asked.

Trip smiled, looking up at the ceiling. This was going to be a _good_ conversation.

"Yes," the alien replied.

"You don't use flyers or hover craft or—"

"Captain Archer, we use transporters to get everywhere. Every home has one. You said you have one on your ship. Do you not use it?"

"We use our transporter mainly for cargo," T'Pol stated.

Archer glanced at her but said nothing.

"Oh," the man stepped down. "You have religions against using transporters. You are not the first to visit with such beliefs."

"No! I mean…" Archer smiled, barely masking his nervousness. "Not at all. We just…don't use our transporter for transporting people…except in emergencies."

"Why not?"

Archer attempted to construct an answer, his mouth working soundlessly while he did.

"We can only transporter one being at a time with our transporter," T'Pol stated. While the answer was truthful, Trip knew she was saying it simply to cover Archer's lack of one.

"We can transport all four of us at once with this transporter." The man stepped back onto the transporter pad and turned, waiting for them to get on. "With these transporter pads we can transport up to twenty!"

Archer looked to T'Pol and Trip for some sort of help out of this situation. Trip smiled and stepped onto the PADD, knowing full well he was going to hear about it that night but finding it humorous to watch Archer squirm right now.

"We can all go together. That's somethin'," Trip quipped, "Ain't it, Cap'n?"

Following a long sigh Archer hesitantly stepped onto the PADD beside Trip. T'Pol stepped onto it on Archer's other side. The alien nodded to the two at the controls.

As they were transported away Trip heard Archer say in a low voice to him, "Consider yourself no longer my friend, Charles."

Trip smiled and laughed.


	8. Customs

_Customs (8)_

Archer, Trip, Hoshi, and T'Pol stood in front of the docking hatch, waiting in a quiet, solemn line. The hatch opened and two men dressed baggy pants and shirts and wearing long coats stepped onboard _Enterprise_. Following him were seven scantily clad men and women. All nine aliens had light tan skin with dark brown or black stripes running down their bodies like tiger markings. Hoshi glanced up at Archer, saw he wasn't going to comment on the way the aliens were dressed, and looked away without a word.

One of the two men spoke and Hoshi quickly used the Universal Translator to aid her in deciphering more of their language. The translator suddenly revealed a word and she swallowed. The word couldn't be right. It had to be wrong. But as the translator and her own ear began to translate more words, she suddenly realized there had been a huge misunderstanding.

"Welcome aboard Enterprise," Archer said, extending his hand.

The two men looked at each other, apparently confused. One reached back, grabbed the arm of one of the men behind him and pushed him in Archer's direction, saying something. Archer looked down at Hoshi.

"Hoshi?" Archer said.

Hoshi looked up at him as soon as what the man had just said was translated for her. Her stomach tensed with contempt at the thought of having to translate what was said to Archer.

"What's wrong? You look like you're about to throw up."

"Just a moment, sir," Hoshi looked at the aliens and began talking.

Archer noticed the men began to show signs of agitation and Hoshi's face began to reflect more worry.

"Hoshi?"

"Just a minute, sir," Hoshi said and kept talking.

The man that had shoved an alien at Archer stepped forward, motion both to the alien and Archer. Hoshi shook her head, quickly replying. He pointed at Trip and the three heard her refer to Trip as Trip and then to T'Pol by name. She continued talking, starting to use more hand gestures while she spoke. Archer watched her hold her hand up in a gesture that clearly identified a child and then motioned to Archer. She motioned to both T'Pol and Trip and then made a joining of her hands.

"Hoshi," Archer said, "what's going on?"

"Hold on, sir," Hoshi replied and continued talking to the two men.

All of a sudden the two men made a face that read they understood clearly what she was saying, looked at each other and laughed. The man grabbed the one he'd pulled forward and pushed him back with the others. Hoshi smiled, looking relieved and continued talking. She motioned to the aliens behind the two men and then back through the hatch, followed by a motion from the two men to Archer.

"Any ideas what they've just spent twenty minutes talking about?" Trip asked Archer.

"Not a clue."

The man smiled and spoke to the aliens behind him. They seven returned to their ship. He looked at Archer and held his hand out. Archer smiled and shook it. The man spoke to Archer and Hoshi translated.

"He apologizes for the confusion but he would be happy to have dinner with you. He admits that this is a nice looking ship and while he doesn't understand our customs, he thinks his government would be pleased to know more about our species."

The man said something else that Hoshi didn't translate, but replied to. He nodded, clapping Hoshi's shoulder.

"What confusion? What about our customs? And where are the others going?"

Hoshi looked up at Archer and he watched her cheeks grow crimson. "Could we maybe talk about that later? In private?"

"Why?"

"_Please_. _Sir_," Hoshi said through her teeth with a tight smile.

Archer looked at the men and then Hoshi. "T'Pol, show them to the dining room. Tell them Hoshi."

Hoshi translated and the two men followed T'Pol down the hall, talking with each other. Archer looked down at Hoshi.

"Well?"

"Sir, I really don't want—"

"Spill it, Hoshi," Trip commanded. "You used me and T'Pol's name in that whole tirade so start talkin'."

Hoshi blushed and it grew deeper as she explained the situation. "The ship's designation translates to a pleasure ship. They travel around and for a fee they offer the workers on the ship to whomever wants them."

"Their prostitutes?" Trip asked.

"Basically."

"And they thought that's why we contacted them?" Archer asked, starting to find humor in the situation.

"Yes."

Trip grinned. "I know some crewmen that would have went for that."

"Not aboard this ship!"

"It would have been really awkward anyway. And I doubt most of the crew would have '_gone for it_', Commander."

"Why? What else was wrong?" Archer asked.

Hoshi ducked her head, crossing her arms under her breasts. She drew in a slow breath. "In their culture and many other cultures in this area, men mate with men, women mate with women, and reproduction is done in labs. It would have been awkward."

Archer and Trip stared at her. Hoshi looked up at Archer.

"And if I _ever_ have to translate that, or explain that, to another alien as long as I live I am going to die of complete and utter embarrassment, sir."

Archer smiled. "It wasn't all bad, was it?"

Hoshi responded with a stern look.

"What was with the kid motion?" Trip repeated the gesture she made.

"Oh," Hoshi looked down, "That."

"Oh that?" Archer asked.

"They wanted to offer you free…uhm…" Hoshi blushed again. "I hope you don't mind, but I talked your way out of it by saying that you had a daughter, Captain. He asked if you had a wife and I told him she passed away recently. He retracted the offer."

"Hoshi!" Archer said, smiling.

"I'm sorry, sir! I didn't—"

"Hoshi, it's fine!" Archer laughed, "Thank you. That was quick thinking and I appreciate it, Hoshi. I'm just surprised you were able to come up with _that_."

"And what about me?" Trip asked.

"He offered free use to the senior staff and I explained that T'Pol and Trip are mates," Hoshi looked at Trip, "I tried to explain you were dating, sir, and he didn't get it. I just told him you were mates so he would drop it. And then I explained to him that Lieutenant Reed was mated and had two children. I told him that we really were a ship of exploration, just not _that_ kind of exploration, sirs."

Archer and Trip were both laughing too hard to reply by the time she finished.

To Hear Your Voice (9)

Malcolm stirred, opening his eyes when the communicator near his head beeped again. He rolled over, patting around until his hand found it in the dark. Malcolm tried to pick it up to discover it was inside his jacket pocket. Malcolm pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Reed here," Malcolm said in a hushed voice.

"Took you long enough," Sista said.

"Vardee?" Malcolm rubbed his eyes, "Stand by, Vardee." Malcolm flipped the communicator shut and felt around for his boots. He pulled them on and then his coat and slipped out of the tent he was sharing with Archer. Malcolm crossed the dark campsite and walked a couple meters into the surrounding forest. Malcolm opened the communicator again.

"What's wrong Vardee?" Malcolm asked.

"I wanted to talk to you," Sista said.

"Why? What's wrong? Are the children alright?"

"Everything's fine. I just wanted to talk to you."

Malcolm scrubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Vardee, if the Captain finds out you went to the bridge and called me, he's going to be furious with both of us."

"Well I am on a bridge, just not _his_ bridge," Sista replied.

Malcolm smiled. He sat down, leaning back against a tree. "Your bridge, huh?"

"Thought that would put your hackles down."

Malcolm smiled some more. "I miss you."

"I miss you too. Jon Nathan had a nightmare last night. Oh!" Malcolm could tell Sista was stretching by the sound that followed.

"And Kas?"

"Daddy's poppet slept through the whole thing."

"Like her mother!" Malcolm teased.

Sista laughed. "No. Like her father."

"Uh-uh. I sleep light."

"Right."

"I do!"

"Uh-huh."

Malcolm chuckled. "What else?"

"Doctor Phlox found a tooth starting to cut through the top back of Kasbra's gums. That's why she's been so cranky and had such _awful_ diapers."

"So soon?"

"She's Jit, sweetheart. We develop much faster."

"I hope Jon won't get upset by that."

"I doubt it," Sista chuckled quietly. " Besides, I can hear it all now. You'll just tell him, 'Don't try to catch up to your sister, son. She's an odd duffer like your mother.' Did I say that right?"

"_You_ have the English translator running."

"Yes. I wish my English was better."

"I think it's perfect like it is."

"Except that you misunderstand a lot of what I say."

"I try not to."

Sista was quiet a moment. "Guess what I'm eating?"

"I can't guess. I can't see you."

"Guess."

"I can't."

"Guess!"

"Tell me."

"Guess."

"Tell me or the tickle monster's going to wake you up when I get back."

Sista laughed. "I thought he was reserved for the children?"

"And my wife when she's being particularly ornery and mean to me."

"Ohhhh. Have to remember that from now on. Come on. Guess. It's sweet."

"Ice cream."

"Yes! What kind?"

"Rocky road."

"Bubble gum."

"I was only half wrong. What do I get for that?"

Sista laughed. "Can't tell you. This isn't a secure channel. Wouldn't want to embarrass anyone."

"I thought Kathah didn't get embarrassed," Malcolm smiled, pulling his knees up to his chest and smiling at the communicator in his hand.

"I don't. You do."

"Not fair!"

"I'm your wife. Everything I do is fair."

"I don't buy that."

"I wish you were here tonight, Malcolm."

Malcolm closed his eyes, picturing Sista's face. "I already am, Vardee."

"No. You're stuck there for—"

"Vardee, I'm already there."

There was a pause.

"Can't you feel my hand on your cheek?" Malcolm asked.

Sista made a soft noise. "Yes. It's warm and soft."

"And I kiss your lips and hold you close. You wrap your arms around me and tell me you love me in Varlikon. I love how it sounds."

Sista was quiet. "You are here. I love you Malcolm."

Malcolm opened his eyes. "I love you, Vardee."

Sista laughed suddenly. "Uh-uh. I love you more."

"No. I love you more."

"I love _you_ more!"

"Not nearly as much as I love you."

"No. I love you more than you will _ever_ love me."

Malcolm grinned. "I love you to infinity."

"YOU SAID IT!" Sista cried. "I can't believe you said it!"

Malcolm laughed. "Someone had to stop this. I have to get some sleep for the hike tomorrow."

"Thank you for talking to me."

"You're welcome. Go back to sleep, darling. I'll be back in two days and then I can show you how much I love you all night."

"Okay. Good night, Malcolm."

"Good night, Vardee." Malcolm snapped the communicator close. He laid his head against the tree, looking up through the leaves at the stars.


	9. To Hear Your Voice

_To Hear Your Voice (9)_

Malcolm stirred, opening his eyes when the communicator near his head beeped again. He rolled over, patting around until his hand found it in the dark. Malcolm tried to pick it up to discover it was inside his jacket pocket. Malcolm pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Reed here," Malcolm said in a hushed voice.

"Took you long enough," Sista said.

"Vardee?" Malcolm rubbed his eyes, "Stand by, Vardee." Malcolm flipped the communicator shut and felt around for his boots. He pulled them on and then his coat and slipped out of the tent he was sharing with Archer. Malcolm crossed the dark campsite and walked a couple meters into the surrounding forest. Malcolm opened the communicator again.

"What's wrong Vardee?" Malcolm asked.

"I wanted to talk to you," Sista said.

"Why? What's wrong? Are the children alright?"

"Everything's fine. I just wanted to talk to you."

Malcolm scrubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Vardee, if the Captain finds out you went to the bridge and called me, he's going to be furious with both of us."

"Well I am on a bridge, just not _his_ bridge," Sista replied.

Malcolm smiled. He sat down, leaning back against a tree. "Your bridge, huh?"

"Thought that would put your hackles down."

Malcolm smiled some more. "I miss you."

"I miss you too. Jon Nathan had a nightmare last night. Oh!" Malcolm could tell Sista was stretching by the sound that followed.

"And Kas?"

"Daddy's poppet slept through the whole thing."

"Like her mother!" Malcolm teased.

Sista laughed. "No. Like her father."

"Uh-uh. I sleep light."

"Right."

"I do!"

"Uh-huh."

Malcolm chuckled. "What else?"

"Doctor Phlox found a tooth starting to cut through the top back of Kasbra's gums. That's why she's been so cranky and had such _awful_ diapers."

"So soon?"

"She's Jit, sweetheart. We develop much faster."

"I hope Jon won't get upset by that."

"I doubt it," Sista chuckled quietly. " Besides, I can hear it all now. You'll just tell him, 'Don't try to catch up to your sister, son. She's an odd duffer like your mother.' Did I say that right?"

"_You_ have the English translator running."

"Yes. I wish my English was better."

"I think it's perfect like it is."

"Except that you misunderstand a lot of what I say."

"I try not to."

Sista was quiet a moment. "Guess what I'm eating?"

"I can't guess. I can't see you."

"Guess."

"I can't."

"Guess!"

"Tell me."

"Guess."

"Tell me or the tickle monster's going to wake you up when I get back."

Sista laughed. "I thought he was reserved for the children?"

"And my wife when she's being particularly ornery and mean to me."

"Ohhhh. Have to remember that from now on. Come on. Guess. It's sweet."

"Ice cream."

"Yes! What kind?"

"Rocky road."

"Bubble gum."

"I was only half wrong. What do I get for that?"

Sista laughed. "Can't tell you. This isn't a secure channel. Wouldn't want to embarrass anyone."

"I thought Kathah didn't get embarrassed," Malcolm smiled, pulling his knees up to his chest and smiling at the communicator in his hand.

"I don't. You do."

"Not fair!"

"I'm your wife. Everything I do is fair."

"I don't buy that."

"I wish you were here tonight, Malcolm."

Malcolm closed his eyes, picturing Sista's face. "I already am, Vardee."

"No. You're stuck there for—"

"Vardee, I'm already there."

There was a pause.

"Can't you feel my hand on your cheek?" Malcolm asked.

Sista made a soft noise. "Yes. It's warm and soft."

"And I kiss your lips and hold you close. You wrap your arms around me and tell me you love me in Varlikon. I love how it sounds."

Sista was quiet. "You are here. I love you Malcolm."

Malcolm opened his eyes. "I love you, Vardee."

Sista laughed suddenly. "Uh-uh. I love you more."

"No. I love you more."

"I love _you_ more!"

"Not nearly as much as I love you."

"No. I love you more than you will _ever_ love me."

Malcolm grinned. "I love you to infinity."

"YOU SAID IT!" Sista cried. "I can't believe you said it!"

Malcolm laughed. "Someone had to stop this. I have to get some sleep for the hike tomorrow."

"Thank you for talking to me."

"You're welcome. Go back to sleep, darling. I'll be back in two days and then I can show you how much I love you all night."

"Okay. Good night, Malcolm."

"Good night, Vardee." Malcolm snapped the communicator close. He laid his head against the tree, looking up through the leaves at the stars.


End file.
